I cannot even begin to tell you how strange I feel right now. It’s after 11pm and I don’t want to go to bed – I don’t want to wake up tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is my 8th and last chemo. You would think that I couldn’t get to tomorrow quick enough – it’s over – after dealing with this treatment and side effects I can go back to normal living. I should be dancing on clouds.
Instead, I’m literally in tears tonight. I am SAD that tomorrow will be it! Lon says it’s because I don’t like change – and Lon knows me well. I have been going to the cancer center every Monday for 6 months. I think that is probably a part of it, but it’s so much deeper.
I think the problem is GOD PROVIDED ALL OF MY NEEDS! You see, I didn’t spend 6 months in a cold hospital like place. I didn’t spend 6 months with nurses that never learned my name. I didn’t spend 6 months where no one cared about me, if I was doing all right, or what my future could hold for me. NO, I spent 6 months with God’s own “Chemo Angels”. From the girls that took my blood each week, to the girls that gave me my injections weekly, to my ‘chemo angel nurses” I was given love, compassion, friendship, laughter, smiles, hope and joy. I ENJOYED my time with the people at the center. I felt special and important. They all fussed over me and treated my like a princess. They made me feel like my future was as important to them as it is to me. They made me feel safe – that I was a survivor and always will be!! They became my family – a place where I belong!
It will be a change because I won’t see my new friends except once a month to get my port flushed out. When I begin radiation at the end of August, I’ll have a new set of “radiation angels”. I can always visit the chemo wing and I can tell you right now I WILL.
I feel so totally blessed for having been a patient at CBCC! I’d like to say it was almost worth having cancer (almost). As sad as I am, and as scared to actually go have my last treatment, I will hold on to the GIFT that GOD gave me through the WILLINGNESS of the GIRLS at CBCC who allowed GOD’S LOVE shine through THEM!
I leave with a challenge for myself and all of you ….. are you allowing GOD to use YOU to show that much genuine love to someone in need? Where would I be now if all of my nurses etc. didn’t give their all? I want to be to someone what my nurses are to me!
That’s my prayer – they are my inspiration – they are my example – now may I go be God’s Angel to someone else and pass on God’s love!