When you hear about “Separation Anxiety” what picture comes to your mind? It could be a baby or toddler crying as their mom tries to leave them at Sunday school for the first time. It could be a crying preschooler the first day of school. It could be Rottweiler whining when you close the door to go to work the first day they are at your house – OK, yes, I still love my Rotts! What you do NOT think about is a cancer patient who is approaching her last chemo treatment. I am having separation anxiety about my cancer center! I have been told that what I’m feeling is very normal!
Yes, I am having very mixed feeling and emotions about my last chemo treatment being this coming Monday, June 20th. Obviously, I am so happy it’s going to be over – last time for the metal taste, nausea, bone hurting terribly, etc. etc. At the same time, I am sad and anxious.
I have now gone to CBCC for blood work, a shot, or chemo treatment every Monday since January 24th. It’s been a habit/routine for 6 months! I have made friends – really good friends. I have been loved and encouraged by a handful of incredible chemo nurses. I have the doctor checking me weekly and telling me that I’m doing well. I feel safe – cared for – protected – and like I belong.
Now that the chemo is going to be over, I may not see my friends anymore. As my hair returns, I’m feeling better, and moving to be “normal” again, I have to realize that I have to learn to live with the fear that it could return. Right now, if the doctor said they found something; I’d just keep going with more chemo etc. If I let myself return to “normal” state, the fear is so much bigger – to have to “do it again”. I won’t be under “watch” from the doctor and nurses. What if they’d see something that I don’t? There are so many thoughts running through my mind.
So, as Monday approaches, please pray for me that I learn to “leave the center” without anxiety. I learn to return to the world I had before my breast cancer. Again, I have been told it’s a normal reaction – I have seen many “visitors” come back on their chemo day to be with the nurses – this too shall pass! I do understand that this shows what a blessing my cancer center was to me – they were so incredible that I cry when I think I won’t be there every Monday! I just may be a visitor on a few Mondays!
Now, big GOD NEWS! Another Blessing has come to my family today! Keona needed glasses and that wasn’t something our wallets could afford – not even for the exam. I researched and found an organization called Sight For Students. To make a long story short, Keona got to pick out her favorite lenses (Disney purple long rectangle- very stylish), the lenses will have the scratch coating, the UV coating, and the TRANSITIONAL coating (to make them sun glasses). The whole bill for exam and glasses came to $483 – Sight for Students is covering $483! PRAISE GOD! Lon and I knew they said they’d pay for the frames and lenses but we figured our little girl would have to choose from last year’s black ugly thick frames etc. My Heavenly Daddy provided my daughter – HIS daughter – with the best! I should have known!