Wow, I haven’t blogged for a while because I’m feeling SO GOOD that I’m catching up for lost time and staying active. I thank God for these 3 weeks of a break. I have had energy to keep up with my household chores plus spend time casting vision for my Creative Memories Business as I’ll be working that full time after chemo. I do have my next treatment Monday. I am hoping that my body continues to do well with this drug – Taxol – but I’m prepared that with some of the drug working in me already, each treatment can have more side effects. We will deal and handle it as it comes.
God has really been busy teaching me a lesson that I’d like to share with you all. During the past two years, finances have been hard. The light is there as Lon’s business is really picking up and I’ll be able to start working on CM. However, chemo is expensive. So, to even pay monthly payments for doctors, hospitals, and the chemo, things stay tight. The big lesson I’m learning is how to RECEIVE gifts from others. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to be the “giver”. We all want to help out – make someone else’s day better – give a part of ourselves. To receive those gift means you need to put your pride aside, you need to be humble, you need to let go of control (the control of being totally self sufficient), and you need to appreciate. God has spoken loud and clear to me that He promised He would take care of my NEEDS. He did not ever say that would be through Lon’s and my job or own efforts. I am learning to realize that God is using others right now to help us out – that doesn’t make us lazy or irresponsible – it makes us a part of God’s family where family helps out family. That old pride can get in the way, but I’m definitely learning!
I have many people to thank! I have a neighbor who takes my kids when I’m having a bad day or just watches them so I can sleep. She babysits if I have doctor appointments or my chemo goes past when the kids get let out of school. She doesn’t ask for money or for me to watch her kids in return – she is just giving to our family.
I have one friend that makes me feel special – even bald and gaining weight from the chemo. She has taken me out for a “girly girl” type of lunch. She has purchased a bracelet that I can wear with pink ribbons reminding me that I will be a survivor. She sends me uplifting notes and cards. She’s letting me know I’m appreciated. She knows right now I can’t return those lovely gestures and that’s not what she is looking for. She is just being the type of friend that God has asked us to be.
I have a secret Angel. This wonderful Angel left a big box of food and supplies on my front porch yesterday. There is no way to identify my Angel. This Angel cares about my family and knows food is a need. My Angel is not looking for a pat on the back or the praise for giving. My Angel is giving in the quietness knowing that her reward comes from my heavenly Daddy smiling down saying, “job well done”!
My fellow Creative Memories team knows that the medical bills are incredible. They have sent gifts of money to help us cover a monthly payment here and there. This is not their duty or responsibility. They see our need and want to show us their love by helping us with our unexpected expenses.
We have a friend that fills in the blanks. Keona was enjoying some food at his house and she came home with more. My head did not like any pillow in the house and he showed up with an incredible pillow (if you ever go through chemo – I have the pillow for you). He stops by with little some things every once in a while – the extras that I don’t spend money on right now. He takes Keona to places I don’t have energy to go or can’t afford the gas. He is our “fun” giver.
One friend seems to “pick up too much food” when she goes shopping and some ends up on my front porch. She rents movies and makes sure that they watch them quickly so we can use them a few days. She leaves cards on my doorstep so when I go outside there is a surprise.
There are more friends that have also given to us and I appreciate them as well. I could write a chapter of a book just thanking these people.
Two years ago, I would have had to be able to return each act of kindness. My pride would make me want to “make it even”. I’d do that partially because you spend money on me I should spend it on you mentality. I’d also do it because I had the mind set that I was weak or irresponsible if I couldn’t do it all myself. Leaning on others wasn’t a gift it was a sign of failure to me. WOW, how God has changed that! I’m not saying that after chemo I’m going to keep taking 2 naps a day and not work. I’m saying that I’ll continue to do what I can and I will be confident that God will supply what I’m not able to through His family. It’s a HUGE lesson for me!
I thank each and every one of you that has listened to God and has acted in an incredible unselfish, caring, loving, compassionate, cheerful giving way to our family! Your love – in whatever way it was shown – IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED! You have made us be able to survive. I thank you too for being a part of this great lesson I have learned. WE are GOD’S FAMILY and family will do WHATEVER it needs to for each other!
Praise God for adopting us and loving us and giving us family!