I’M FEELING GREAT! I had my 5th treatment yesterday. So, I prepared to be lying on the couch for at least 3 days with a brick in my stomach, feeling like I need to visit my bathroom, feeling so fatigued that I can’t make it to the kitchen. NOT THIS TIME – PRAISE GOD!
I had a different chemo drug yesterday and I have no nausea and no extra fatigue (just the norm). I am on CLOUD 9! This is SUCH A GIFT from God to give me a little break. I have been told that this may be the way it’s going to be for the next 3 treatments, but most likely, each one will get a little harder since this drug will be in my system. I’m getting this break since this was the first time. I will not worry about the next treatments until we get there. I am just so pleased for this break … to feel as normal as I can … Thank you God and thanks to all of you that having been praying for me. My heavenly DADDY heard those prayers!!!
God has brought something to my attention – something that I need to change that I wanted to pass on to you all. I think about some people that haven’t called me, or stopped by etc. Actually, there are just a small handful of people that have just dropped by. It made me think “why” is that. It’s the same reason I DON’T when I know someone is sick or down. I think our first reaction – is totally IN LOVE AND OF GOOD INTENTIONS – we don’t want to bother – we don’t want to wake them – we don’t want to disturb them – we don’t want to pester – we don’t want to be in the way etc. etc. I know that I do the “I’m praying for you and just let me know what you need and I’ll be there!” I MEAN THAT and I know that the huge group of people that have said that to me mean it too – I love them all for that!
However, this is what God is showing me. I have the personality (not always positive) that it’s hard to ask for help. I go the other way, I can do this I don’t want to ask or impose on them. Plus, there is nothing I really need. I can clean a room a day; do some laundry a load at a time etc. The kids are old enough that they can take care of themselves. I basically do what I can and sleep. I don’t need someone to watch me sleep. I get lonely but everyone has their lives – better stuff to do than sit on the couch and chit chat with me. So, I don’t call any of these loving people for help.
The light bulb that went on for me is that God sometimes wants me to be “in people’s faces” because they may NOT come to me. I have a neighbor that is facing MS. She has bad days etc. She’ll tell me, "I’m fine" - but I know that it’s a hard day. I pray and pray for her. That’s not enough. She may say I don’t need anything, but if I went over and watched her little ones for a couple hours tell me she wouldn’t love that. If I did some shopping for her and took it over – tell me she wouldn’t appreciate her cupboards full. Even if I just took over a warmed up store bought pizza for dinner – tell me she wouldn’t enjoy it and having it there for her family.
Let’s take this to an even more eternal life situation. How many people have I given information about our church to and said, “hey, if you are interested just call me”. They don’t call. I don’t want to come across “pushy”. What if I said, “hey, Sunday I’ll be at your door at 9am to take you to church”. What if I tell someone that I want to take him or her to the bookstore and find a Bible that fits his or her need? What if I tell someone about a church get-together and would love to pick them up and have them meet some of my friends? When it comes to someone’s eternal life, should I be passive and wait for them to call or should I be a little more “in the face”. Of course, you don’t want to do this in abrasive or pushy way – but a “in your face” totally out of love and concerned attitude. That’s why God wants us to be building those relationships – you earn the right to be “in your face” when you have first laid down the road to friendship.
Jesus Shack already knows this concept. I loved doing their “Street Teams” and I can’t wait until I have enough energy to walk that again. They go up to the door – of a poorer neighborhood – WITH food in their arms. They knock on the door and ask if they could use this food or other help. Most time the people can’t accept the food fast enough. It’s a GOD thing for them to know they’ll have food for dinner that night. How effective is that! They go to the door with the answer to the need – they are “in the face”. I can only think that probably not half of those people would get food if Jesus Shack went to their doors and gave them info on how to call or get food. Those people may not feel comfortable to call and “ask” for themselves. Yes, pride gets in the way at any level – I know that’s one reason I “do” instead of “ask”. Jesus Shack knows this – and they are willing to take the risk to be “in the face”.
My prayer for my life is that I’m more committed to spreading God’s word and God’ love by taking the risk to be an “in the face” kind of person. I want to be there for my neighbors before they ask – most likely they’ll never ask. I want to offer to take people to church gatherings not just hand them an address. I want to watch neighbor’s kids when I see they look tired. I want to be a “doer” not just a “call me I’m here for you” person. Again, before I earn that privilege on some levels, I must commit myself to take the time to build relationships. People NEED to come before my “to-do” list.
I love being able to show you through my blog how my heavenly Daddy is developing my character and personality through having this cancer and treatments. It is waking me up to see past my normal sight line and look deeper into others and why I am here to help make a difference. You see, I now understand and believe the book of James that tells us to look forward to hardships – because they will help us grow and become more Christ like. It’s amazing how sweet life looks when you know you are walking close to your heavenly Daddy and telling Him, “I’m here – use me!” It’s even a sweeter feeling knowing that you actually mean it! I want my Daddy to use me – no matter what that means for my life – less time for me – putting my self out there feeling like that’s a big risk of what others may think. I want to do what HE wants me to do – no matter the cost!
The reward to be God’s helper can't be measured by anything we know on this earth!