Do you sleep through the night? I mean really sleep through the night. I loved going to bed between 11pm and 1pm and not hearing or seeing anything until 7:20am when my alarm went off. That’s what I call sleeping! Well, those days are over and I may never see them again. This is what my “sleeping through the night” is like now…
I can’t make it past 11pm now. I’m usually in bed between 9pm and 11pm. I get into bed and since I’m not a back sleeper, I get on my favorite side – the right side – and I curl up and go to sleep. How crisp and soft the sheets feel. Then, in about 20 minutes, I realize that my right arm is in pain. I forget that since they took an “ice cream scooper” of my arm out it can’t really support my body lying on that side. No biggie, I turn to the left side.
I get all comfy on the left side – stretching out. I fall back to sleep only to wake in about 20 minutes. I realize that my right arm has also tried to stretch out and is in pain again. You see, I only have about 80% of the original movement in my arm. It will get better with time IF I remember to exercise. Unfortunately, I get too wrapped up in the side effects of the chemo to remember to do my daily routine for my arm. Every night though I remember. No biggie, I turn and lay on my tummy.
I squeeze the pillow and get all comfy – my right arm not being laid on or stretched too far. All should be great now. I should sleep until the alarm sounds – NOT. If forget that if I lay directly on my tummy, I am also laying on my port-a-cath. Yes, I love my port-a-cath on chemo days (it saves my arm veins) but it’s a pain other times – like sleeping. So, after about 20 minutes, my port starts hurting and I realize this position won’t work either. It’s starting to be a biggie! The only position left is on my back. That’s my least favorite position. I’ll make it work.
I turn on my back and bring the covers up – I’m one that can sleep in flannel PJs with a comforter even in August. I thank God that I have this position where nothing hurts and I fall asleep. Then IT starts creeping in – just like the Bakersfield thick fog. Yes, the chemo has put me into menopause and I get HEAT FLASHES. It starts down at the feet. You feel a warmth start climbing up the legs and it is continuing up. It climbs all the way up until the top of my baldhead. I am HOT, I mean really HOT and my body is wet like I took a shower. I shove off all the covers – I open or loosen my PJs until it passes. Then I’m instantly chilled and I can’t get the covers on quick enough.
At this time… I go back to the right side and start the pattern all over again!!
What have I learned from this whole experience – a new nightly experience….
LOVE YOUR NIGHTS when you sleep all night until that alarm sounds off – embrace that alarm for you have seen nothing or heard nothing the whole night.
If you are awake and tossing and turning all night like my “new sleeping habit” appears to be this is the lesson I learned… even though Lon works hard all day for the family – and the kids are working hard all day to better their future – with NO GUILT I now LOVE MY NAPS! Thank you God for NAPS!