One … Two… DONE! Yes, I have finished my second treatment – only six more to go! This one was a little worse than the first. The “drip” itself was fine. I had incredible nurses like I always do. They care about you as a person not just a patient. My parents were there with me to “see the routine”. We meet a nice Christian guy who was hooked up next to me. It was long but with no ill effects
Then, I got home and things were not as smooth this time. I did “loose my cookies” on and off for about 5 hours – not fun. I’ve been more nauseous and the fatigue started to settle in. My little crew cut hairs are falling out quicker. I know it’s hard for my parents to watch! “Can I get you...” with me screaming NO! Nothing sounds good – the metal taste is sharper – and the whole cycle just isn’t as new. I can’t help but think SIX more! How will I make it!
Then I sit back and really think about this … not how can I make it, but how can I loose sight and hope so easily? Isn’t that just like us “humans”! One rough time can come our way and we – in and instant – forget the hundreds of wonderful things that have blessed our lives. We make it through a rough time with God holding our hands and then we find a bump and wonder if He let go. We can even play the “why me card … aren’t you watching”. How pathetic! So self centered – SO all about how I am feeling – So all about my pain!
Once again, what if I was to stop and look around me! What would I see? The cool Christian guy next to me having to have his treatments every other week for 6 months straight! People who have lost loved ones that will never be coming back! Young moms that may have cancer or something different but the hope for them to see their children grow up is slim or non-existent. People who have chronic pain or sicknesses that have them feeling bad daily – weekly – for the rest of their lives. The worse thing I can possibly see – which is out there if we would take time to look – is people going through this world, with all the pain and sorrow the world brings, with NO GOD walking with them! Oh, not that my heavenly Daddy isn’t’ waiting for these people to reach out – but for some reason, they haven’t.
So, yes, I had it worse this time and matter of fact there is nothing to say it won’t continue to get harder (expect I’ll be talking to the doctor about different anti-nausea med). I have 6 more times – 18 more days to feel terrible! What I pray is that I won’t be so quick to concentrate on my 18 miserable days and me. I pray that I live for others – how can I help them when they are going through their miserable days. I pray that I live knowing my God is walking each step with me and He has a BIG plan for us. I pray that I focus on the 2 weeks that I feel so good. I pray that I focus on the fact this treatment is working and it looks like I’ll be going through the teen years with my kids.
Most of all, I pray that I remember that Jesus, my Lord, knew how many beatings were coming His way and yet He didn’t give up after 2 – no, my Lord went the full distance – for ME! I will go the full distance! For God promises me that He is with me, and all of this will work together for HIS good! I signed up to be a team player on His team – and I plan on keeping my contract! What if I gave up and on treatment number four there was a person just waiting for me to tell them about Jesus!?!? Here’s to my next 6 treatments!