How do you feel? That’s the question they asked me today after seeing my blood cell counts. “Fine”, I replied. Have you ever noticed that you can be feeling really good and then the minute someone tells you that you have a reason to feel poorly so you do! My white cell count was very low today. It’s suppose to be the in the 4-10 range and I tested at 1.7 this morning.
So, the panic starts. Do you have a fever… do you have a sore throat… are you etc. tired etc. How do you answer these questions... Don’t know – I didn’t have a reason to take my temp…. my throat always hurts the minute someone asks me if it hurts… more tired – I’m not a morning person and I’m up and getting shots at 8:30am!
They continue to tell me that I need to watch out because I can’t afford to get sick. I shouldn’t go around sick people – doesn’t that equate to stay home!? I should wash my hands after touching anything – does that mean wear white gloves? Take my temperature every hour and watch the trend – should I expect a fever? Yes, instantly, I feel like I’m confined to a bubble. The warning lights are flashing and I am going to be under careful watch!
Then you start wondering if this could postpone my next treatment scheduled for the 14th. GREAT – I’d love to postpone the 4 days of nausea and fatigue. TERRIBLE – I’d hate to postpone the next 7 treatments and not be done by summer. What mixed emotions!
After taking it all in, I can sit and relax! My counts are low – God knows this! I am more apt to get sick with the counts low – God knows this! There is nothing I can do to change my counts – God knows this! I don’t know what this means for the next treatment – God already knows when each treatment will be scheduled.
So, even though I felt panic and alarms at the doctor’s office this morning – I can sit with a calm serenity around me – my GOD knows what’s going on and He’ll take care of it! What a gift that is from God. No matter what circumstances the world throws at us – we can sit and be calm – for God is in control! We don’t have to worry or be anxious about the next day or next week. We don’t have to panic about the worse case scenario – if I was to catch a sickness. We can still live in the moment feeling safe and loved and allow the next minute to be in God’s hands! I thank you my heavenly Daddy for having your hands carry my world!! I will enjoy today and be your servant today! I will sing praises to you and show you how much I love you! You are my GOD!
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
I am praying for you.
Posted by: Terry at February 9, 2005 08:28 PM