A couple of you have asked for me to blog … so here it goes. Today, I went to the doctors at 8:30 this morning for my blood to be drawn and for a Procrit shot. This shot is to help my red blood cells bounce back to “normal” faster – giving me more energy. I certainly don’t mind a little boost! I’m feeling far better than I thought I would as I start week 2. I thank God for that. I’m tired and resting in between house chores, but I am getting more and more done each day.
I was catching up on my biblestudy lessons for tonight. Yes, I had let myself fall a little behind. I’m doing Experiencing God with a friend. This will be my 4th time doing this workbook – obviously, I recommend it to all of you. Anyway, in the first chapters, we are learning that it has to be GOD FIRST – NOT – ME FIRST! God is working and we need to listen to what project He wants our help. How self-centered it would be for us to think that we can go to God and say, “Hey listen God, I’m in the mood – or I think I have the gifts needed for this project. So, that’s what I’ll be doing. Feel free to bless my work!” It’s not about what WE want to do! How many times do we look around the community or our own church and read up on all the openings. Then we find the one “we want” to do and we feel very proud of ourselves.
GOD FIRST appears to be the theme that God is showing me through His scripture, our church service, and when I listen to the Holy Spirit. I am amazed how many people are “letting me off the hook” because I have cancer. It’s all right to think about me. It’s all right to be angry with God for letting me have cancer. It’s all right for me to ask the big question “why me”. You know, I have never asked that question! I have never allowed myself to think because I’m going through some rough (or rougher waters) that I have the right to slide and put ME first. No, it’s got to remain God first NO MATTER WHAT.
Let me try to explain why I have such peace with that! God begins His work and then asks us to join Him. He takes us as we are and uses us for His good. Take Moses for example. God wanted Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses’ first reaction is “I can’t do that”. Moses thought of all of his excuses – not the leader type – not a good speaker – etc. God didn’t “change” Moses – He used Moses the way He created him. God created us with the purpose to be His servants – so even in our weakness or deficiencies, we are perfect for the assignment He has for us! So, that gives me peace that in my weakness from chemo treatments – or my weakness because God only has revealed the first step of His work for me – I am good just the way I am. I just have to give my all for God. If I can make something from my bad situation – isn’t that incredible! Do I want to go through chemo with the “me” attitude of this is a waste and unfair situation? I would prefer to go through this with an “even in this condition, I’m special enough for God to use me in a special way” attitude! With that attitude, I can feel so special inside – that God knows that through this darker time in my life – I am the perfect person for one of His jobs!
Secondly, God sometimes needs us to go through some “deep water” first to create our personality and character to be strong enough or to learn some “tweaking” lessons so that we can do BIGGER and more INCREDIBLE things for Him. David had to wait to get the throne and Abraham had to wait for his son. If God feels that I have to take sometime to learn valuable lessons by having to go through his cancer – just think of what HUGE and AMAZING plans He may have for me! I sit and think what I can do for God. It’s not real impressive. Then, I think, “I wonder what I’ll be able to do after the lessons God wishes to teach me”. It could impact more people for His kingdom. If I learn the lesson God wants me to learn – He could use me to make SIGNIFICANT differences. Won’t that be cool! Maybe someday, I’ll sit back and see how God used me and think inside that even in my wildest dreams I didn’t think I could be used in such a big way.
The bottom line is to keep GOD FIRST, find out where He is working, and then LISTEN for His directions on how you are going to be used in His plans! Then, your life will have greater impact than you can imagine. This means, no matter how hard life can be for you, stay focused! Don’t give in to the “poor me” syndrome! Yes, I had cancer, 3 surgeries, and 8 cycles of chemo treatment – I thank God that this will mold me to be the one He needs for one of His jobs!