I asked a friend today how she was doing. Her reply, “I’m surviving!” What does that mean? I have said that for most of my adult life – I’m surviving. Does that mean I did enough today to feel good about the day? Does it mean I did what it takes to make it through the day? Does it mean no ups or down I just coasted? Does it mean I can just chalk off another day? Is “surviving” a good thing? Or is there more to life than just “surviving”?
Most of my life was just surviving. I was a good person – a decent wife – a good mom. I did enough around the home, school, church, and community to be able to go to bed not feeling guilty. I was a true loyal friend to the few I allowed to be in my “real” friendship circle. Basically, everyone thought I was a “good” person – so I was surviving.
God had to make a drastic change in my life for me to see that He doesn’t want me to “survive”! He wants me to LIVE! God brought me to Bakersfield to learn this lesson. The first thing God did was to have me meet Frank and Phyllis – my adoptive CA parents. They noticed right away that I was all about my “to do list”… “keeping the house up for appearance”… “staying active for appearance” etc. They saw that I was all about surviving. They introduced a new concept to me … like duh … God didn’t put me on this earth to survive – it’s not even about me! God put me on this earth to serve Him by being here for others! WOW – what an impact. You mean God thinks people are more important than my “list”?!!?
I began to think about that – this has nothing to do about me – but others. God didn’t put me on this earth to get things done for myself – so I could have fun etc. God put me on this earth to be His arms, feet, and heart for others. Over one year now I have tried to LIVE my life instead of surviving. I began with baby steps. I took a dinner to someone that had surgery. I began to offer my home for childcare when friends were busy or just needed a break. I even walked up to friends – knowing that they may “need” to talk for hours - instead of turning around and running so I could mark something off my “to do list”. I began hearing people’s hearts! I began seeing needs. I began LIVING!
Now, I can’t imagine waking up and saying to God, “Lord, please help me survive today!” My prayer today and everyday is Lord, please help me live so I can be here for others! I start my day with a few “to dos” but with the awareness that my schedule can change with a blink of the eye. I can actually say, I can lay my head down at night with no guilt even if nothing on my to do list was crossed off – IF I touched someone’s life!
Now, I have cancer and these lovely chemo treatments. They are on my to do list and they aren’t going anywhere. I have the RIGHT to take a break and SURVIVE! I actually remember saying those words when I was diagnosed – I’ll survive! GOD has put his foot down and said, “NO WAY DONNA! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SURVIVE CHEMO – YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE!” I may live with a brick feeling in my tummy and the feeling of extreme tiredness, but I will live! Yes, everyday, even in my condition, I have found ways that I can serve God by helping others! What an incredible feeling.
The twist of all of this is the reward I receive for putting others before myself! I feel more complete – happier – and a greater sense of God’s peace! I know that my heavenly Daddy is looking down and saying, “Sweetheart – GOOD JOB – you are living!!”
What roadblocks are in your life from stopping you from living? Is surviving all you know? I ask you to think about how complete you feel – just surviving. If you don’t go to bed every night thanking God for the day and the impact He allowed you to have for His sake, I ask you to pray, “God, show me how to live and not just survive!” I will promise you that if you feel ½ the satisfaction that I now live with – you’ll know you made the right decision! Think of the impact we’ll all make for God by LIVING!
PS … have you ever heard of chemo Brain? Well, it’s supposed to be a true thing – and hit some people after the chemo treatments. I don’t know if it hit me yet – but I’m sure saying it has so I have an excuse!!! Typing is getting harder for me – the eye hand coordination. My hands don’t seem to hit the right keys like they use to. I have “word spell” – but please be patient with my blog if things are spelled correctly but make no sense! This too should pass – I think – but if it doesn’t, what a great new cop-out since I’m not blonde (he he he)
Posted by donnab at January 28, 2005 11:46 AM