I think this will be my first - and maybe only short blog :-) I don't have a lot to say - I just needed to talk.
When I told some friends and family that I have cancer and will need chemo, you wouldn't believe how many books, articles etc. I received. The National Cancer something sent me about 10 books ... how to eat, how to tell your young children, cancer treatments etc. I read a lot of them - yes, me the non-reader. I learned about the chemo - about diets that will help if I get mouth sores - an excellent book was recommended to me to read to the kids which we did, and I have shared things with my parents from the books to help this cope from a distance.
The one thing that NONE of them talk about is the night before chemo. WHY!!!? I'll tell you why - how should I be feeling? What should you do to prepare? It's such a bittersweet night. It's a night that NO ONE on this earth knows what tomorrow will bring for me. Chemo effects everyone differently - that's what I have read in many books.
So I sit here tonight wondering about tomorrow. I have the house cleaned - ok not really clean but tidy. I have all the laundry done in the house - the kids and Lon need clean underwear. I have dinners packed in the freezer from friends. I have a "bag" packed with a book, CD player, snacks etc. I am ready for my big day.
What is the BIG DAY going to be like? On the sweet side - it's finally here! Yes, the poison that will kill any cancer cells floating around so I'll be cancer free! The anticipation will be over and I'll find out how my body is going to react and then this "planner / scheduler" can get back to work filling the calendar with normal routine activities or no activities if my body doesn't do well with the chemo. The unknown will be known... that’s sweet!
The bitter side is we begin the battle of fatigue, feeling like "loosing my cookies" (I always thought that was a nice way to put it), and yes, the hair will begin to thin. On some days, I may not be able to be that mom that loves to be active with her kids. I may have to be the "nagging" wife (ok, more than normal) and rely on Lon for more help with the house. I may not be myself for months.
The one thing that is hitting me hard tonight - that's all about me. Me... my chemo .. my reaction ... my abilities etc. Tonight should be a night where I don't sit and wonder - but I sit and pray. For my God already knows all of the unknowns. He knows how my body will react,.. He knows what I will and won't be able to do ... He knows how is this going to affect people around me and how it can bring glory to His work. HE KNOWS! All I have to do tonight - is lean back - and say, "I give it all to you!"
It doesn't have to be just the night before chemo. For you (and us) it could be the night before a job interview ... the night before a doctor's appointment... the night before you have to see someone that you have a rocky relationship with... the night before you have to make a big decision ... or the night before you have to go to bed and get up the next morning! EVERYDAY is a day that God is in charge of! Every night is a night that we need to rest our bodies - clear our minds and say, "Tomorrow belongs to GOD!"
SO... what should I do the night before Chemo ... GIVE TOMORROW TO MY PRECIOUS SAVIOR! Good night to you all!!! I'll let you know how God's day went for me either tomorrow night or Tuesday!
SLEEP WELL!
(Stop laughing LON!!!! I truly tried to do a short entry!!!!)