Vanity... I think we all have some degree of worrying about our looks! I realize that all women aren’t as bad as I can be, but let’s face it, builders are becoming much smarter and the bathrooms in new homes are getting bigger and more beautiful. Why, because that’s where we spend most of our mornings putting on our “face” - as my mom use to call it - and fixing our hair.
Hair... now there can be a ½-one hour spent every morning. We wake up and wash our hair with shampoo and condition it. We then “add product” that will make our hairstyle easier. We then spend time styling our hair … either straightening it out or curling it in one of a hundred ways or teasing it so it sticks up, down, out in just that perfect way. After it’s in that perfect style (which we hope looks very natural) we use a can of hairspray to hold it in place. We spend loads of money on all of the cleaning and styling products. Have you noticed that when you go over night somewhere – ½ of the suitcase is packed with hair products? Once the vanity (or is it old age) sets in, you start spending hours walking up and down the hair dye aisle looking at each sample questioning if you should go darker, lighter, redder, or a combination of 2 or more colors. After all is said and done, you don’t want anybody or anything to mess up your hair. You avoid outdoors, children who like to touch, or even your spouse. You pamper yourself – dress your self up – and then put a “DON’T TOUCH” sign around your neck. If I’m not describing any of you – then I will confess that this describes me!
I had my Chemo education class a few days ago. When the nurse was going over the drugs that will be dripping into me, she said that one of the drugs is a beautiful red color. However, that beautiful drug will assure that every strand of my hair will fall out. SO, today was the big day. I BOUGHT A WIG!!!!!! Yes, I went to Links to Life, a great Bakersfield Breast Cancer group where I am finding wonderful support, and I purchased my first – and probably only wig. I sat in a chair and my head was measured. I have to take the time to brag – I actually have a very petite head! Then, we started trying on wigs. I tried on a wig and it was too big. I tried another one on and it was a little too snug. I tried others on that were too dark, too short etc. How vain could I get? I probably won’t wear this more than a handful of times – but I was picky! It needs to look perfect. Although I don’t think the one I bought is perfect – it really works. I purchased the special shampoo, conditioner, and hair spray too. The cancer may take my own hair – but I can still be VAIN!
This is not part of my thoughts – but I have to tell you this funny story – then remind me to get back on track. Zavier and Keona have been hesitant about the whole hair thing. That’s why I cut my hair short a few weeks back. Well, I put on my new “hair” which is redder and shorter. The kids came home from school and we did our routine inquisition... how was school? Lunch? Homework? Friends? Etc. We probably talked for 30 minutes. Then, I had them sit very close to me on the couch. With a straight serious voice, I said, “I have something very serious we need to discuss. I don’t think the wig should upset you guys!” As I said that, I took of the wig in a quick movement and said, “Because I’ve been wearing one!” You should have seen the kid’s eyes!!! THEY WERE IN TOTAL SHOCK!!! It was TOOOOOOO funny! Of course, they both had to try it on etc. We had a fun fun time together.
Now, back to the deeper thoughts; all this vanity; all this commotion about my hair and all this time and money spent. We spend time – our biggest asset – making sure it looks its best before we start our day. OK, here’s the deep thought. If I spend that much time and money etc. on my hair … how much time etc. do I spend to make sure my heart is just perfect when I start my day???? WOW – I certainly FAIL there. I don’t wake up wondering if my heart is in the right place … loving my neighbors… guarded from the “storms”… is ready to make an impression etc.!!!!! I don’t always invest in the products I need to “style” my heart… a better study Bible (my friend had to give me one to use), books from wise Christian authors that can train me to have a better walk, tapes or CDs of praise to listen too. I wake up and my vanity is about my outside appearance not my inside appearance. Is God pleased with that – I have a feeling the answer is “no”. When you ask me what I HATE most about the cancer – it’s loosing my hair. I think this should be the thing I’m most excited about!! I’ll have no excuse but to re-arrange my schedule so my morning routine is not about hair but about heart!