When it came to my years of school, I endured every day – every test – every assignment. I went through 4 years (ok, it took me 15 years part time) of college doing the drill so I could finally get that piece of paper that said I MADE IT! I memorized for the tests and got an “A” and then the next day forgot everything I had studied.
Now, I have breast cancer. I am a professional at enduring through situations – just living one day at a time. I’m extra tough and stubborn. I get through it to go on to the next day. I can sit and have them hook me to my IV and start dripping in meds that I don’t even know what their part in this whole thing. I can sit and hear them explain side effects and future treatments etc. and just be sitting there hearing but not listening. I can work on arm therapy trying to get the movement back in my arm like it’s a military drill instead of remembering why my arm is in that shape. I can glide through life – let what needs to happen happen – and I don’t “experience” anything.
Is this what God wants for my life – to glide through life – to walk through it with the attitude of “just get it done”? I don’t feel that’s why I am on this earth – to walk each day so “matter of fact”. I’m here to be learning and then doing!
Once again, Keona (is she not my angel) taught me to Learn not just Endure. The other day, she came home and was glowing! She had something big I knew she needed to share with me. She could hardly hold it in – she was going to burst at the seams. We went into her room, she sat me on her bed, and she turned off the lights. She turned it back on and with the biggest smile on her face and asked me what I saw. Ok … what kind of question was that … I saw the light go on … “no light then poof light”. “WRONG”, she tells me. She continues to tell me that what I saw was billions of light rays flowing through the air but because they travel at 846,000 mile per second, it looks like it was just a “poof”. For this my daughter was bursting at the seams!? I asked her if she found this interesting – not only did she find this fact so incredibly cool – it made her want to soak up more and more and more (Yes, obviously she is Lon’s kid). The excitement to learn was contagious!
Cancer is a roadblock. It’s not fun – fair – or understandable! The fact that we have lived week by week for 2 years wondering if we’ll have grocery money is not fun – fair or understandable! Life has its trials and we have to live through them. What I am wondering is if we are Learning or Enduring from them!?
The greatest lesson I have learned these past two years – and so grateful that I learned it before the cancer hit – is that I am HAPPY FOR MY TRIALS! I have changed and I am LEARNING NOT ENDURING! I am pleased to say that I agree with James – I rejoice when I see something coming my way! During these hard times – like my breast cancer – I have to learn from situations not just endure. When I do that, I am developing the person God wanted me to be when he created me (just a few years ago of course). Through all of these I have learned to love people. Yes, I look for reasons to care for people. I set aside my to-do list (one of the hardest lessons for me) to talk with someone for hours if that’s what she needs. I have learned to count my blessing every time I put dinner on the table – for there are people 20 minutes from me that are not eating. I have learned that I can’t overcome the trials that are coming my way – as strong and stubborn as I am – but my only hope of survival is leaning on God! I have learned that my job here on this earth is to LEARN so I can help God with his mission of letting the world know that they have FREE salvation in HIM! Without sounding like my head is 3 feet wide, I am SO PROUD of myself for who I have become! I think God is really pleased with me – and isn’t that what every child wants – their Daddy to be proud of them!?
I like me... because I now LEARN and not ENDURE! What are you doing with your life?
Posted by donnab at January 15, 2005 11:03 AM